As I’m slowly listening to Twilight, one of my long time friends said, “If only you could tell Teenage Lauren that she’d marry a Native American man named Jacob. She would absolutely freak out.” And that, kids, is what we call manifesting (no it’s not, please stop). Trust me, it tickles me pink every time I remember that.
ANYWAY, I clearly went to work in June. I can’t remember any shows or movies I watched cause I kept just wanting to read. It’s about damn time. I’ve been so ho-hum about reading this year. I think my attitude change regarding work (“OH MY GOD, I NEED TO FIX EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY” to “lol okay but I’m literally only one person”) really helped me not need to melt into a puddle at the end of every day. I mean, 9 years of thinking everything was an emergency can really wear on a gal. I even made a super cute jar filled with the names of all the books I own but haven’t read to pull from (and all Stephen King books because I eventually want to read all his books). June is supposed to herald in summer but it’s been cold in the Bay Area! Yesterday, I wore a turtleneck. That is unheard of in June. As I write this, it’s supposed to heat up, just in time to welcome July. I’m okay with heat – dry heat that is. My time in New Orleans has shown that I don’t do well with wet heat. No sir-y-bob. When you walk outside and immediately drown in sweat while trying (and failing) to breathe. It’s the worst. How do y’all do it??
A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas
My Rating: 3/5 Stars
What is it about?: It’s every fantasy book you’ve already read. But worse.
My Thoughts: I have come to the conclusion that Sarah is being paid by the word. That is the only reason that this book is over 700 pages because we all know there’s zero reason for this book to be that long. I practically fell asleep several times trying to drag myself through the fluff. My friend had told me that if I found Book 2 very ~fluffy~ then I’d die with book 3 and BOY was she correct. Approximately 40% of the fluff was purely just repetitive bullshit. We got to read the same things at least 3 times, if not more. The amount of “NO, I AM SECRETLY WORKING FOR THE GOOD GUYS” in this book made me want to barf. Every single “bad” character gets a redemption arc here because they’re secret spies. Gag me. Tamlin doesn’t deserve a redemption arc – the author painted him in a horrible light and now seems to just want to take it back. Speaking of bad guys, Feyre pulled a classic villain move by taking the time to explain her entire plan to Ianthe while mutilating her. Girl, you mutilate and run. Clearly, that would have been the better option since Ianthe is a snake. SPEAKING of more bad things, Mor coming out as bisexual was terrible. Not her actually being bisexual but her whole… everything. This is not the representation that’s needed or wanted. She’s spent 500 years leading on someone she KNOWS is in love with her and is going to continue to do so. It feels very forced. As I read more online, I saw that people were upset with how straight this book is. Hence the forced feeling of Mor’s bisexuality. The writing has also, somehow, gotten worse and I swear if another character makes “a vulgar gesture” again, I’m going to scream. The amount of “info dumps” is inexcusable in the 3rd book of a series. The author is leaning heavily on cliches. The other two books had a lot of cliches, but this one takes the cake because it added to the already heavy fluff.
You might be wondering why I gave it 3 stars and MAYBE I AM TOO but I liked the first half of the book. I really want to know what happens with the characters – especially Nesta, but I will likely not ever find out. Unless someone writes a “cliffsnotes” version of this book.
Pet Sematary by Stephen King
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: A family movies to Maine (of course, it’s Stephen King) where the dad is told by an old dude to bury his dead cat in a spooky burial ground so it’ll come back to life and boy does he regret that choice.
My Thoughts: This movie is one of the first horror movies I remember watching as a kid. My dad has read every Stephen King book (I’m coming for you, dad!) and has watched almost all of the movies. The only thing that really scared me about this movie was Zelda. She would haunt my dreams for years to come. Knowing this movie like the back of my hand didn’t ruin the book at all. It might have added to it! I was able to hear Jud’s deep Southern drawl (although… he lives in Maine, right?) and picture Ellie’s scrunched up face, complaining about Church’s smell. There was a lot left out of the movie (shocking, I know) – like Jud’s wife, the relationship between Louis and Rachel’s family (particularly her father), and the random, intimate moments a family has that makes you (the audience) bond with them. I felt so much more connected to the Creed family in the book. The book is also scary af. Stephen King says he thinks this is his scariest book and I have to agree so far. When King describes the walk between the Pet Sematary and the Native American burial ground, I felt whatever was in those woods. I felt like they were reading the book over my shoulder and whispering in my ear. To put it lightly, it gave me the fucking creeps. Jacob was out of town while I was reading it and I found myself hiding under the covers to protect myself from scary zombie cats. Everything was perfect about this book. The length, the characters (despite me wanting to hit Louis over the head with a shovel), the pacing, THE ENDING!!!! That ending. Whew. It hasn’t beat out Misery for my favorite spot but it’s definitely up there!
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson [re-read]
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: Melinda is starting high school friendless and as an outcast. During the summer, she was the girl who called the cops to a party – where people ended up getting arrested and in serious trouble. We’re in Melinda’s head where she hides away from the events at the party.
My Thoughts: I’ve read this book probably 3 or 4 times. It’s a quick read (only took me a few hours). It’s a Young Adult book that isn’t going to blow you away. It’s not trying to be something it’s not. This is one of my top favorite books of all time. I read it at a point in my life when I needed the book and I believe that every young person should read this book. It talks about, in an easy to understand way, how r*pe is NOT YOUR FAULT. It explains what consent really is. It reminds people not to judge or bully – you don’t know what someone is dealing with. It also helps explain why the art program is so freaking important and that we shouldn’t be cutting that from schools (okay, maybe I’m projecting here but seriously, art is important guys). The scene that always gets me is on Christmas, when her parents (who have been scatterbrained and barely there) gift her art supplies because they noticed she’d been drawing. I remember hiding inside my head when I was her age, trying to figure things out. I related to Melinda a lot and I just want to hug her.
The Weed that Strings the Hangman’s Bag (Flavia de Luce #2) by Alan Bradley
My Rating: 2/5 stars
What is it about?: This is a classic tale of “two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead”.
My Thoughts: You know when you read a book and you instantly know the person writing it has never lived a day in their life as their main character? Sure, I’m a fantasy reader – I “know” there are no vampires (*wink wink*) but this book so painfully demonstrates “I am a grown ass man writing from a 10 year old girls’ perspective”. I don’t remember the first book being this glaringly obviously written by an old dude. I also don’t recall the first book being 50% Chemistry jargon and 50% English. Listen, I passed my chemistry class by cheating (sorry mom) so I am not keen on getting back in that zone. I felt myself falling asleep or speeding past all the chemistry lessons throughout the book. I will give it one thing – I didn’t predict the ending. Probably cause it was kind of horrific. The cold case murder was just… a lot. There was just… a lot going on that didn’t need to be going on. I don’t want to spoil anything but we know that Robin (a literal child) didn’t hang himself (it’s actually a thousand times more horrific than that). I couldn’t get behind the whole thing. This turned me off of wanting to read the 3rd book.
The Recovery Agent (Gabriela Rose #1) by Janet Evanovich
My Rating: 3/5 stars
What is it about?: It’s Tomb Raider.
My Thoughts: Did I buy this book because the cover looked like Tomb Raider? Yes. Did I have low expectations? Absolutely. Did it meet said low expectations? Yes. This book was a solid adventure and easy to read. If you have seen any Indian Jones or Tomb Raider (or played any of the games), you already know the story. My only beef here was the toe dip in the supernatural. It was done a little awkwardly and without any rules. I hope the author cleans that up moving forward. I likely won’t read anymore – I wasn’t that enticed and I have so many other books to read.
The Transformational Path: How Healing, Unlearning, and Tuning into Source Helped Me Manifest My Most Abundant Life by Claudia Amendola Alzraa
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: GoodReads says it’s “Part memoir, part spiritual handbook”, which is accurate. The author leads you through her life, sharing the lessons she’s learned in the hopes that you too will learn from them.
My Thoughts: I want to start this review by saying that this is a book I wish I had when I was in my early 20s. I learn best when someone tells me a story. Tell me your life story, filled with mistakes and lessons and hurt feelings and bad money decisions and all the deep gooey insides that show that you’re human. Reading this book felt like sitting across from Claudia at a cafe, catching up on her last few years. This was one of the first Self Help books that really felt relatable – the lessons are some that I have learned and some that I realize I still have to learn. As soon as Claudia brought up the “good girl” mentality, the snake inside of me rose up and hissed – THIS is a phrase I’ve been actively working on. Go to school. Get good grades. Be nice. Graduate college. Get a good job (doesn’t matter what just do the next step). Make all the money. Marry the person (doesn’t matter who, just someone). Buy the house. Have the children. Die. Now you’re done. But there’s SO MUCH MORE to everything in life and I count myself lucky to have already realized that (despite my bristling at the “good girl” phrase in this book). Understanding that you’re not here for what OTHERS consider “success” is something that took me SUCH a long time – and it’s really a comfort that I’m not the only one in that bucket. Claudia also talks about relationships in this book (the one with her husband is similar to mine and a relationship I wish everyone could share with their partner). I think it’s such an important read for anyone who either is not in a healthy relationship or has had so many in the past, they don’t want to continue. We aren’t perfect. We have all had bad relationships, but Claudia really breaks down why her relationship works so well and what it took to get to that point. She touches on sour friendships (you know that friend that is always rooting for your demise?) and how to spot them – something 20 year old Lauren could have DESPERATELY used. Another thing I wanted to touch on was that in the book, Claudia writes about some of her “channeled downloads”. I am absolutely someone who has a lot of trauma around religion. It’s a trauma I’m not 100% ready to tackle yet. She has given me something to truly think about and start trying to research/understand. I appreciate that Claudia touches on religious trauma without judgment. She understands. She also explains that you don’t have to do it all!! Don’t overwhelm yourself. Do what feels right. Listen to yourself.
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer [audiobook]
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: This is the book that invented the Love Triangle (I AM JUST KIDDING, Buffy obviously created it).
My Thoughts: I want to know why Alice thinks that hanging around with vampires is a million times better than hanging around werewolves. She comments that hanging out with Jacob, a young werewolf, is dangerous… But wasn’t it HER partner who lost his absolute shit over a paper cut at the beginning of this book? Wasn’t it HER partner who was the catalyst for the Cullens leaving Forks? Excuse me, Miss Alice, but let’s not discuss the whole “right kind of monster” here. This book was more fun. Jacob was Bella’s sun. She had a good time around him and had everyone not come back and there weren’t vampires, whatever, she could have had a good life. Who wants to brood around all the time?? Broody vampires. Ugh. Anyway, I want to know what The Vulturi do all day. Do they just hang out under ground and like, talk about how cool they are with each other? I have thought a lot of what I would do if I were a vampire (shut up) and this is not it. I’d be like Vampire Tomb Raider. On another note, someone brought to my attention that there’s just no way that everyone in Forks thinks the Cullens are normal people. Like who in their right mind would say, “Oh yes, that man who is maybe 24 has adopted 5 grown ass children with his wife. And he’s also the best doctor alive. And doesn’t mingle with anyone. And is missing when the sun is out. That man? Totes normal.” Everyone knows they’re vampires. I feel like the entire town just collectively accepts they’re vampires.
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer [audiobook]
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: This is the book where literally not a single character uses any common sense once.
My Thoughts: I always forget how much Edward suuuuuuccccckkkkkkssssss. At the beginning of the book, when he’s actively trying to keep Bella away from Jacob is just gross and controlling and I hate it. And then there’s just so much more control and I have to actively remember I’m a grown ass woman reading these books now and boy is it a different experience. Am judging the Twilight Moms? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmyeah. Looking back on my fantasy guy choices (Angel aside…), I have always been Team I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar But if You Don’t I Swear to GOD I Will End You and then I just like whatever guy lets our main chickadee (what?) be herself. Edward so desperately wants to change Bella. Oh, also, does Edward actually know anything about Bella? He relies on his mind reading so much (which doesn’t work on Bella, duh) that it feels like he probably doesn’t even really know her. Would he have even bothered looking twice at her if he could read her mind? ANYWAY, Jacob doesn’t need mind reading, he just knows her that well (pretty sure this was part of my “Team Jacob is Better” argument) and no I’m not projecting my own Jacob onto this Jacob (okay maybe I am). I re-watched the movie so much that I forgot that absolutely no one is like “Hey, that vampire who was in Bella’s room might be tied to Bella” (where, in the movie, Bella is immediately like “oh yeah no this is totally a Victoria thing”). How did we not think it was Victoria? Does everyone think she just up and left after New Moon? Puhleaze. Victoria was an obsessed woman who was in love with a bad guy who was totally wrong for her (wait, or was that Bella?). The whole part where Bella saw her life with Jacob play out and when she admitted how much she was in love with him was very over the top, but it also helped Team Jacob really get its footing. In the movies, they really play this like Jacob is in love with Bella but she doesn’t love him (although that could be the lack of chemistry between the two). I also have a bone to pick with the Cullens’ friends in Denali. They meet Laurent and immediately are like “omg so let me tell you all their secrets. See Edward reads minds and Alice can see the future!” Aren’t these supposed to be kind of secret? I have a lot of bones to pick with Irina, in general, (can’t wait for Breaking Dawn) but the fact that not only did she spill all the secrets to Laurent, but she has the audacity to say, “Hey, friends of mine for like, ever, you need help and I’m not going to help you because the love of my life (you have known him for less than a year girl) tried to kill Bella and then the wolves ate him and you’re working with the wolves!” Vampires suck. Oh lol also, Stephenie Meyer trying to invent Native American stories is just… too much. It’s all too much.
Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer [audiobook]
My Rating: 5/5 stars
What is it about?: It’s Twilight but from the mind of the most emo guy in the world.
My Thoughts: The book shows how much YA books have changed. The more pages does not equate how much “better” the book is. This book was over 25 hours long! Twilight was only around 12. It’s literally the same story, why is this so much longer? The Narrator is very annoying when doing female voices. He makes them all sound whiny and petulant, no matter what age they are. So. Much. Car. Talk. Is this actually Fast & Furious? I don’t care. I genuinely don’t care. I actually can’t believe I got through this audiobook. 0/10 for the narrator. Please don’t narrate anything else ever. Perhaps it was his voice but man, I remember genuinely liking this book better than Twilight. I don’t though. I cannot stand Edward’s constant narcissistic thoughts. Honestly, if you’re still Team Edward by the end of this book, I might judge you.
Have you read any of these books? Have I convinced you (or not) to read any of these? What was your favorite book to read in June? Has there ever been a series that you just had to stop reading?
Writes with Wolves 