Have you guys noticed that the longer my review is, the more likely it is that I hated the book? Clearly when I’m ready to vent, I’m ready. So… get ready 🙂 Also, sorry mom, but the first review gets vulgar. It could not be avoided.
October was a heavy month. That is an incredible understatement, I know. It felt like, between personal health issues and everything going on in the world, there was little to celebrate. Then, I had already made the decision to only read horror books for October. Probably one of the worst decisions. Although I found 2 fantastic books, I felt like little Lauren has crawled into a closet to hide from everything. For the rest of the year, definitely no horror (sorry Stephen King). I need a mental break (hence the last book of this month).
One bright spot was our Halloween party, where Jacob and I dressed up as Romeo + Juliet (the 1996 Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes movie), which was a costume I’ve been wanting to do for literal years. So that was pretty cool.
House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
My Rating: 2/5 Stars
What’s it about: I just can’t. Okay? Who knows. A scary corridor in a house that 10 million people have studied but know nothing about or a poor excuse for a human being who thinks he’s God for giving us the gift of House of Leaves.
My Review: I’m just going to say it. This book is the most pretentious crap I have ever read in my LIFE. I have been hearing about this book since I worked at Borders back in the early 2000s. I remember seeing it, picking it up, and understanding that as a college student, I didn’t have time for this shit. To be honest, no one has time for this shit. And go ahead and take your whole “this book is PSYCHOLOGICALLY scary so it’s a horror book” thought process and shove it up your ass. The only thing horrific about this book is the circle jerking going on around it. I gave it 1 star for being different. The way this story is told is wild and it could have been so much better. The other star is because I enjoyed the Navidson Files storyline and really wished we got more there instead of all the other crap.
Adding Harvey Weinstein into the mix as a dude who’s seen the Navidson Files but doesn’t want to have his company produce it really sets up how this book is going to go. Badly.
The book is split up into several different mini-stories that all coincide. You have the “main” storyline of the Navidson Files. If someone could just compile THIS storyline (and expand on it and ya know, ACTUALLY FINISH IT) into a book, I would be thrilled. I’d likely give that book 5 stars. The story of the random closet showing up? When I told Jacob about that, he immediately went “if we came back from a trip and there was a random closet that was never there before, we would immediately sell our house and never come back.” Which is why we’d survive a horror movie, ladies and gentlemen. The different characters filing through the main storyline were all well developed and I appreciated all the different perspectives we got to see.
Then, kinda throughout the Navidson Files, we have all the collegiate style studying OF the actual footage. I could do without that. Maybe have the interviews that are done afterwards dispersed throughout the book, but otherwise, I’m ambivalent there. I don’t think it added THAT much to the book and in fact, most of the time it just annoyed me. This book was painfully obviously written by a man – the only female character is an adulterer who literally kisses someone else while her husband is in another room. Then when others analyze Karen’s behavior, not a single person is like “oh, she acted this way simply because she has feelings like a normal human being.” “Why did Karen stay?” – there are so many “experts” who talk about this in the book. She stayed because she LOVES HER FUCKING HUSBAND. It’s not rocket science people. “Why did Navy get obsessed with the house?” – because his brother was literally stuck in there. This is not hard to understand. They also include people like David Copperfield as an excerpt cause… ya know… magic. The experts were annoying but they often are in real life so I can give them a pass.
I don’t even want to talk about the literal piece of shit that is Johnny Truant. This man is the wet dream of a loser who thinks that THIS is what a ~cool dude~ is. Johnny constantly talks about how he walks into a place and there’s a chick who is immediately ready to ride his dick. Please. His descent into madness isn’t something I cared about. He isn’t a character that I care about so when he starts going literally insane, I found myself rolling my eyes and skipping over his descent. Johnny’s story is 100% pointless and choosing that font for him was even better. Because I hated it.
Honestly, next time a dedication page says: “This is not for you”, I’m going to listen.
Mary: An Awakening of Terror by Nat Cassidy
My Rating: 5/5 Stars
What’s it about: Mary is a middle-aged woman who lives an unremarkable life in New York until she’s suddenly called back to her small hometown in Arizona. She starts hearing voices, seeing dead people, passing out frequently, and possibly murdering people. She soon finds out about the serial killer that used to live in her hometown (before her time) and starts seeing some scary similarities between him and the voice in her head.
My Review: Not gonna lie, I was so scared to read this book after House of Leaves. I was immediately drawn to this book and have been wanting to read it for a while – same with House of Leaves. I was so scared it was going to also suck.
Thankfully, I loved it. Obviously. After reading some 1 star reviews, I have to say that if you’re going to walk into this book and take it seriously… go read House of Leaves. This book is what I consider a horror comedy. Very Scream-esque – which you all know is my bread and butter of the horror genre.
That being said, maybe once you finish this book, have a nice happy one to fall into afterwards because WHEW did this book take a toll on me. It was fantastic but the imagery is really something that’s stuck with me. From the dead, naked, and bloody women all over to the painfully descriptive passages about bodily fluids, this book has it all. I knew nothing about the author and I honestly thought this was a female writer. The only reason I know Nat is a male author is due to the Afterword (P.S. read both the forward and the afterward!). He did a great job capturing feminine thoughts! I’ve never read a male author that has been so successful there. Each character had such a distinct voice and path in the book. The timing of everything was very well done. This book seemed more thought out than most books I’ve read. The author really knew what he was doing here. In the end, it’s a book about female rage and who doesn’t love that?
The Ex Hex (The Ex Hex #1) by Erin Sterling
My Rating: 4/5 Stars
What’s it about: It’s a revisited romance but with magic. Read it.
Quote: “Never mix vodka with witchcraft.”
My Review: This was exactly what I needed after Mary! I wanted to still keep in the Halloween vibe, but preferably no dead bodies, and this one fit the bill. I finished it really quickly and enjoyed it the entire time. I felt like everything was built well – the short lived summer romance between Rhys and Vivi when they were 19 developed into the adult relationship that could finally happen because they’re actual adults and can communicate. I liked all the characters and the plot. I’d definitely read the 2nd book!
The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty [Audiobook]
My Rating: 3/5 Stars
What’s it about: Guys. It’s The Exorcist.
My Review: I completely understand why people freaked out about this book when it came out in 1971. The descriptions of the ~black mass~ were pretty graphic and intense. The Satanic Panic does become pretty understandable when you place it into the right period of time. Nothing like this had been written before. But quick question on the whole Satanic Panic thing… Why does anyone think that any group of humans really enjoys smearing literal poop all over things for rituals? Do they think these people have no sense of smell? Drinking poop, urine, period blood – I get that in very ANCIENT practices, there were a myriad of sicknesses that were cured by using these things. Which just makes me start to realize that maybe the Satanic Panic was just really deeply racist… Actually, I think I’m onto something now but that’s for a different time.
Anyway, I was not impressed. There were really unnecessary graphic scenes. It felt like those teen boys who moan and make general sex noises (despite being virgins) in the middle of a test because they think they’re funny. I understand that the author wants to shock you but I couldn’t get out of my head the fact that this was a young girl doing these things (such as shoving her moms head between her legs and asking her to lick her) and it really was a huge turn off for me. In the end, this book left me with the same feeling the movie did. I was just unimpressed. And I might honestly change this to 2 stars down the line because the more I think about it, the more I realize that this was just so unnecessary. This movie was the one movie my mom wouldn’t let me watch (have I mentioned I was raised Catholic?). When I finally did watch it, at 14, I was left with a big old feeling of, “That was it?” I was so confused on why this was such a BIG DEAL. I had watched much gorier movies than this.
The Butcher and the Wren by Alaina Urquhart [Audiobook]
My Rating: 1/5 Stars
What’s it about: A bad version of Silence of the Lambs.
My Review: Boy did I really not like this book. This was terrible and proof that not everyone should be an author. About halfway through, I looked up this author and found out she has a successful True Crime Podcast. It all makes sense now. This is a book written by the True Crime obsessed. It’s very “Ha, I would be a much smarter serial killer but also be the most intelligent victim that ever escaped a serial killer”. I always thought I should have gotten on that True Crime wave back in high school. I could have had the first podcast. I WAS OBSESSED. I spent late nights on Crime Library (RIP) and even owned a Serial Killer Encyclopedia (RIP to that too since someone borrowed it and never gave it back and now we’re not friends). As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost interest in other peoples’ tragedies.
I’ll stop preaching now. This book had one dimensional characters. I’m writing this next thought word for word from my notes. Sorry mom. “The author basically jerks herself off everytime she writes a scene from the killers’ perspective. She throws in so much scientific shit to sound smart.” It’s true. Also with that, why are the crime scenes like a damn escape room? Who’s putting this together? Jigsaw? In one scene, there’s a map with a cemetery plot number that’s circled… Guess what. That plot number is also the SMART WATCH password for the smart watch on the dead body. Please. Jigsaw is not impressed. Additionally, we hear Jermey’s thoughts but he never thinks about the clues or his obsession with a certain woman. This goes back to bad POV writing. You don’t hide this well from yourself. Speaking of bad writing, the time jumps are wild. Maybe it’s better and/or more clear in written word but in the audio, I rarely knew what time we were in due to the constant jumps. When they first start pegging Jeremy as a serial killer, they start talking about how vastly different all the crimes are… which is not the definition of a serial killer. Jeremy is terrible anyway because his whole serial killer thing is just… bad. But Wren? FIRST AND FOREMOST, the whole reason why she chose the name Wren? Such a throwaway. There could have been SO MUCH MORE THERE. She’s poorly written and has a victim mentality. She’s constantly begging men to save her. Not here for that. Plus, the narrator for Wren is not good. Her male voices are worse than any male impersonating a female’s voice (which is one of my pet peeves).
Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak [Audiobook]
My Rating: 5/5 Stars
What’s it about: Mallory takes a summer job as a live in nanny for a rich family with one child. She immediately loves it (and the family). But things start getting really creepy when Teddy starts giving her drawings of a woman being abducted, murdered, and buried. Supernatural stuff happens and she works to get to the bottom of it.
My Review: After the last audiobook, I almost gave up for a bit. But then my library notified me that this book was available so I gave it a shot. I am so happy this was my next audiobook. If this book was bad, I was going to swear off audiobooks FOREVER. Fine. Not forever but for a long time. I might even say that this has been my favorite audiobook so far. The narration was great – the narrator didn’t make her male voices laughably bad AND she was able to have distinct voices with all the female characters. The characters were all well developed throughout the story and the ending made sense once we got there – nothing was out of character because of the way the characters were growing throughout the story. I was impressed with this male writing a female character as well, but that could also be how great the narrator was. As soon as the kid showed up (so like, 20 pages in), I was like “oooo creepy kid? Check” which was quickly followed up by creepy kid drawings. PERFECT. There was a lot of creepy shit in this book but nothing was over the top or gimmicky. I thought the plot was beautiful (sorry, I can’t spoil anything) and translated so well into paranormal activity. The spooky, pot smoking, tarot reading, ouija board old lady who lives next door is literally my goal in life.
The books this month were kind of a love or hate (except The Exorcist but I think my inner Cool Girl is trying to claim this book because it’s a “classic”). As November has already started, I’m a little meh on books and have put a pause on Audiobooks. We’ll see how this goes. Have you read any of these books? Have I convinced you (or not) to read any of these? What was your favorite book to read in October?
Writes with Wolves 